Blog 10

Chapter 10 “Resisting Violence against Women” discussed a lot of topics that really anger me as an adult woman with an 11 year old daughter. It’s so unfair that just because we are women we have to worry about our safety and security our entire lives, never really knowing if we’re safe from man predators that want to cause us harm just to show their superiority. Most of the girls I have met throughout my life have experienced being molested and/or raped in their life times, none of them ever have admitted that it was incest but most of them did know the person who took advantage of them and the situation.

I thank my mom for being who she is a strong, independent woman, because she always protected me from this kind of situation. I swear she still to this day can spot a child molester a mile away. She never allowed me to hang out with grown men, not even her own sister’s husbands; she didn’t think it was appropriate. I was never allowed to  hug or hang all over any guy it didn’t matter who is was, she just didn’t want me to go through the trauma of being molested or raped and although I hated how strict she was growing up, I have to admit it worked and I’m very thankful to her for that. By being so over protective she taught me to also be aware of situations I put myself in as I got older. I knew better to go anywhere by myself with a man or men that I didn’t know. I basically learned to not trust any man but my father and although that’s caused other problems of trust throughout my life, it did serve the purpose of me never having to deal with the experience of rape or molestation and for that I thank her.

Blog 9

Taking this course and reading some of the material presented in this class makes me realize how different my generation must be from the ones before. I say this because most of the girls I have grown up around are not at all like the ones I read about in these chapters. My friends and I are all very opinionated and strong headed. My mom never taught me to be quiet or walk behind my man she always told me and my sisters that we have minds of our own and that we should use them to become whatever we wanted to be. That if we had something to say it was our right to say it regardless of weather it would offend the person we were saying it too. Yeah I was taught to respect my elders and incorporate values and morals into my actions and thoughts but not just for some man. I’ve never had a problem speaking my mind to anyone, and especially a man. Some people may have considered my family verbally abusive to each other because we were always encouraged to tell each other what we really thought at that point. It was like the motto in our house was “sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you.” We never were exposed to physical abuse for saying what ever it was we felt we needed to say. Now that I’m older I realize that most people were not raised like me and don’t know how to accept words as just words and feel that saying things out of madness is uncalled for and disrespectful but that’s how I was raised so I have a problem resisting the temptation to say what’s on my mind. I have to say though that I’m thankful that I was not raised to always be proper and polite, or to allow myself to be someone’s doormat. I think in the long run it’s kept me from experiencing some really bad situations that the “nice polite girl next door” has to endure in her lifetime.

Blog 8

Chapter 8 is a chapter about women’s work inside and outside the home. I read a lot of interesting articles in this chapter. Growing up my father always pitched in with the housework and cooking although my mom was a really picky person and usually complained about how any job was done if she didn’t do it herself. I guess we just became accustomed to her remarks because we were still expected to pitch in and help. I have yet to find a man that doesn’t mind working full time and also doing their fair share around the house and with the kids. I find myself wanting to just tell my mother how lucky she is to have my father because she obviously has no ideal what most women deal with when it comes to getting their boyfriends/husbands to help out. I guess even when you got it good you don’t always realize it because you’re not on the outside looking in.

My fiancé now would rather work 24/7 then to have to do his fair share around the house. I literally have tried going on strike to see if he would want to help me with the house chores if his only option was live in a messy house or help. It got me no where; well it did get me a very messy house with socks everywhere on the bedroom floors, dishes lying everywhere, etc., that I eventually have to clean myself. On rare occasions he might run the vacuum but under no circumstances does he cook or do dishes or clean the bathroom. He is usually very good about maintaining the yard and taking out the trash though to give him his credit. He also works a lot and I work only part time but I am also taking 3 classes at IPFW, so we’re both rather busy.  My daughter has recently started helping with the dishes, but she is also really bad about not picking up after herself, and leaving things lying around until I actually tell her to get it cleaned up.

Anyway I think I should look into what it would cost to have a service come once a week and detail clean my house. Maybe I’m a bad person for that but I know my stress would minimize and I wouldn’t have to nag at Jamie and Dakota all the time about helping out. Weighing the options of doing it all myself or hiring someone to help, I can’t believe I haven’t priced the option of paying for it yet.

 

Blog 7

Chapter 7 is a chapter about family and marriage. I thought it offered a lot of interesting reads.

I am 30 and have never been married although I’ve been in 2 fairly long relationships in my lifetime and lived like I was married at least that’s how I felt. I have an 11 year old daughter from my first long relationship lasting right around 7 years and began when I was merely 17 years old. I did get engaged to my daughter’s father and really thought I had found the man I wanted to spend my life with. As the years passed so did our feelings for each other and eventually we separated for good when our daughter was just turning 5.

I have now been in a relationship for the past 6 years and am pregnant with my second child. I’m not sure that this relationship will work either. It seems as though we grow farther and farther apart as the years go by. I have come to realize that maintaining your feeling’s for someone over many years is very hard. I mean people change and sometimes adapting to those changes is easier said then done. Although we planned to have this child, now that I’m pregnant I’m not sure it’s even something he wants or needs for that matter. He’s 34 with no children and he’s helped me raise my daughter for the past 6 years, so I expected him to be happy about being a father but I’m not sure that’s what’s happening.  It seems in the past few months of my pregnancy we just continue to fall even farther apart and maybe even stuck.

My parents have been together for over 30 years now and I have to tip my hat to them because I can’t seem to get past this 7 year itch in relationships.

Blog 6

Chapter 6 offered a lot of interesting readings on women and the rights they have been denied since the beginning of time. I have had an abortion and because I knew that it was the right choice for me at that time I have not had any depression or suicidal attempts, etc.

It’s been around 7 years since I had the abortion and I still remember the day I went to the abortion clinic. I took my cousin with me for moral support although she was not allowed any further then the waiting room. When I pulled up to park at the clinic there was a group of protesters there that tried to talk to me before I was able to make it in the clinic door. I was a little upset with the fact that these people thought they had some right to put their noses into my business. It was like I was having a hard enough day and the last thing I needed was for picketers to pursue me as though they had my best interests in mind when they didn’t know me or anything about me. I can remember them giving me pamphlets and telling me that most woman that have abortions end up very depressed and in need of counseling due to the fact of not being able to get over the fact that they had the abortion after the fact.

In my experience I had thought extensively about my decision and I didn’t allow anyone to persuade me otherwise. None of my family believes in abortions but they all understood and wasn’t going to hold it against me which I appreciated because I too was against abortion up too that point. When you think about it like you’re taking another’s life it is a little depressing and it’s hard not to question the mentality of the decision. When you’re actually in the situation, and you come to realize that it’s the right choice for you at that time then regardless of how selfish it may appear to people, it appears as a choice you have as an individual a choice no-one has the right to make for you but you. I guess it goes to say you have to be able to walk a mile in someone’s shoes in order to have the right to judge them.

Blog 5

Chapter 5 focuses a lot on women and how much effort and reward we put on being beautiful. I believe that people should accept who they are because everyone is beautiful in they’re own ways. Our society does put way too much of an emphasis on beautiful people and we advertise it as pretty much the ultimate power. The more beautiful you are the easier it is too get what you want in life, etc. I don’t think any women should change who they are in order to make someone else happy because that’s just not a reason to change. On the other hand if a woman doesn’t like how much they weigh or what their nose looks like I don’t see the big deal about doing something about it. As long as the want is all your own and not intended to impress everyone else.

To me it’s all about being comfortable in your own body. Yeah maybe our society does give us images that are hard to live up to, but most people know this because we see thousands of people in our lifetimes and not many are as pretty as the ones in magazines or on TV. I’ve known people who are severely over weight and still have a really high self esteem because they’ve accepted who they are. They don’t need surgeries or to be stick skinny in order to find satisfaction in themselves. I’ve always been told that people see you as you see yourself. I tend to believe that there is some truth in that statement.

Blog 4

Chapter four titled Sex, Power, and Intimacy was an interesting chapter with a lot of interesting articles to go with it. I was especially interested in Bell Hooks article titled “Romance: Sweet Love” because I thought it brought up a lot  of interesting points in what makes a successful relationship. I can’t say that I’ve ever really believed in love at first sight or anything. I consider myself fairly educated but my history in the topic of love sucks to say it bluntly.

I’m 30 and have only really been in 2 serious relationships since I was 17, which is my first mistake because I don’t have a lot of past relationships to compare a guy to. Which I have grown to wish I had done differently. I really think dating more people gives you more experience to base what you’re really looking for in a person on. Which is the part I lack. I have a really hard time being alone and therefore tend to stay in a relationship longer then I probably should even if I’m fairly sure it’s not going to last forever and I’m only avoiding the inevitable for as long as I can. I try to stick it out through the thick and thin although I’m not married and never have been. I’m not sure why I do this, I guess because I believe that men and women are quite different and I don’t see why I would want to start over when it always seems to go down the same path. We fall in love and everything’s great, then time put strains on the relationship, each of us change, and eventually what use to be great seems to grow bad and unhealthy for all involved.

Anyway if I’m ever in the market for a new relationship again, I think I’m going to take this authors advice and actually compare and contrast what I want with what he wants, I’m going to date more then one guy before settling down and use my intellect in picking the next person I want to be with. There’s going to have to be something more than good sex and lust to fall for or else it’s just not worth my time.

Blog 3

In my blog this week I will discuss my aunt M (my mom’s sister) who decided after living 35 years of her life as a heterosexual woman that she was and always has been in her heart a lesbian. She married at a young age and had a son, Chris with her husband when she was around 30. She was the only one out of my grandma’s seven children that stayed in school and graduated. She went on to be a successful general manager of a couple different food chains, where she earned a middle class income and was able to buy a nice house and drive nice cars and raise her son as a spoiled only child.

As a child I remember I always looked up to her because she seemed really successful, happily married, a proud parent, etc. Then she meets a woman who starts to work for her and they become close friends, close enough that eventually her husband was actually jealous of this other woman in my aunt’s life. So he threatened my aunt, told her to fire this woman and stay away from her or else. When my aunt refused her husband called my aunts boss the district manger, a man of course, and told him my aunt was having an affair on him with another woman that worked for her at this place of business, and when confronted both denied the accusations calling it only a friendship. At this point it was too late, the District Manager fired my aunt and her friend saying it was against the rules for managers to have relationships with their employees. No proof besides for my aunt’s jealous husband starting this controversy and at that she was married, so without proof it seemed so wrong of him to fire her, but at that time “gays” were just beginning to stand up for their right to be openly “gay”.  This District Manager obviously opposed to this as shows in him firing my aunt with no real evidence because her husband was spreading around they were having relationships. Anyway my aunt divorced her husband and ended up in a relationship with this woman for 6 or 7 years. Although she still to this day swears that although there was an attraction between the two of them they were only and just friends up until she filed for divorce and left her husband which she did after being fired from her job because of him starting rumors over jealousy.  

My aunt was fortunate in that her mom and the rest of the family accepted it without many questions. My mom told me that she was always the tomboy growing up, she played with the guys, ran with the guys, fought the guys, etc., so it wasn’t really a big surprise to her. That was the first time someone I loved and admired changed so drastically in my life and I was young so it had to grow on me.  At first I thought it was so wrong to just decide one day you’re gay when you have a young child that she was dragging through this life altering drama …with her.

Eventually I asked her how she could just decide she was gay one day after all the years living as a heterosexual and she told me she was attracted to woman as far back as she could remember but that it wasn’t socially acceptable so she tried to run from it and do what she was expected to do as a woman…marry and have a child, but that not even that could change her attraction and desire of the same sex. Once I realized that she had always been attracted to the same sex but just lived in an era that didn’t accept gays what so ever and where you had to worry about bad things happening to you when exposed as being gay, I kind of understood why she lived a lie for all those years. From the day she left her husband and still today she lives as a woman who is attracted to only woman. She’s even had some bad relationships with woman over the years and she still only searches for another woman. I think she’s relieved that after all those years of living what felt like a lie that she could finally be honest with herself along with everyone else and become the person she always knew she was.

 

Blog 2

Growing up I always considered my mother to be of the feminist type. She always preached about women’s right to equality and my dad was one of those good guys that always stood right beside her. Most people were well aware that my mom wore the pants in the family, although my dad was the bread winner, my mom also worked and they did the house chores, took care of us 5 kids, together. (My mom did more of the house chores but it was because she preferred it done her way or the right way, and no-body did it like her…lol) My dad never seemed to mind, or I guess he just accepted her for her. I’m fairly sure I’ve never met a guy quite like my dad. I’m 30 and I’ve never heard my dad call my mom “out of her name” at all, and I can’t say that for my mom about my dad My mom is a stubborn person, one that rarely ever changes her mind or opinion about anything, so if she disagrees with someone about something she doesn’t hold back her feelings at all no matter who it is. I’ll put it this way arguing with mom is pretty much pointless because she never hears past her first opinion, and she formed it before you ever thought she could have.Don’t get me wrong I love my mom dearly, she’s my heart; it’s just who she is and always has been. She just grew up with strong views on everything, and although I try not to be so stubborn, some people call me out at times for acting just like her. I just want to give props to my dad for always allowing her to be her and remain high on her pedestal regardless of how much of a women should hate all men attitude he absorbed from her over the years.

P.S.(I guess I should mention my dads not exactly a saint, he’s a smart-ass to most people but in the… I’m trying to be funny and make fun of someone kind of way. He’s also very opinionated and will say anything to anyone if it’s what he thinks …(anyone… but my mom that is, he knows he can’t win and has learned to not go there if at all possible)…and he too does it without too much thought as to if he’s hurting someone’s feelings. We lived in a very honest kind of house…our motto…sticks and stones may break your bones but WORDS will never hurt you. Which I’ve learned with age …isn’t exactly true in most people eyes.

I believe that people become what they know and that depends on their environment and the people they were around from birth on. No matter how much I hate it that my mom forms opinions so easily, I tend to do the same thing without even realizing it because that’s the way the woman (especially my grandma and mom ) in my family are, they were built Ford strong …I guess…lol. So it’s the only way I know how …( the critical thinking that happens by the woman in mom’s family happens within 5 minutes of the initial situation forming, or conversation happening.) No matter how many psychology classes or behavioral classes I take, and how wrong it is to act irrationally without considering all the facts clearly, it still seems almost impossible to change something in someone that has been in place since a very young age.

…Therefore in my opinion if women and men would start raising their children as equals and to treat others as equals no matter their gender, race, ethnic, etc. and start instilling good morals and values in their children, I believe one generation in the near future we could all feel as though equality rights on all the above mentioned aspects would have gained a lot more ground, just because if people raised their children to always treat others as they themselves would want treated in the same situation, men and women alike, maybe we could install a mutual respect for others in all, eventually.

Blog 1

I am just testing my new blog.